Growing up, I always knew I was going to be a foster parent, and I always knew I was going to adopt. After all, I was a foster kid, later adopted, and raised in a foster home for 17 years, watching all kinds of kids come and go. What a wonderful life I had growing up.
I have always wanted to be a mom. I had always planned on having a big family, hoping that I'd even have my own...
At 19, I carried my first child, Trevor for 6 glorious months. Though he only lived a very short time after he was born, he touched my heart beyond all imagination. I knew then and know today that he will never, EVER be replaced in my heart.
But, is it wrong for me to still want to have children?
I married my husband soon after my mom died, and a year later we started the foster/adopt program after we saw two little boys on a local news program. During our training process, we got a call from my brother and his wife, wondering if we were interested in adopting their second child. Probably a little soon, just so close after getting married, and still grieving over the loss of my mom, but, for selfish reasons, I couldn't say no.
Again, the waiting. It was only February. I still had til July...
It has been 19 very short, very quick months since I brought my little peanut home from the Spokane hospital where she was born.
I never knew love could be both incredibly fantastic, and incredibly frightening. Loving someone so much that you feel like you will just stop breathing if anything ever happened to them is a scary thing.
Though I always wanted a large family, after having a group of children at once, I decided, if I'm only blessed with 2 beautiful children, I'd like to have one of each... I have my baby girl, and soon, hopefully, maybe even a son.
I wonder every day what my little son would be like today, as he'd be turning 12 in March.
In my heart I'm just learning that everything happens for a reason. Maybe, just maybe he had something to do somewhere else, and I was meant to wait.
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